Somuch pain and heartache can come from our relationships, and it’s so easy for the smallest thing to turn into a huge problem. A simple comment – a couple of innocuous words – can ignite a war between 2 people who usually care deeply about each other.
The most important skill we need to learn is how to spot an argument approaching. Sometimes we have to walk away calmly from a situation before it grabs us and compels us to interact angrily. We must avoid angry and insulting verbal exchanges at all costs, because words can cause irreparable damage to a relationship, and are not easily forgotten. You can destroy a beautiful relationship in 30 seconds, if you allow irritation and anger to take hold of your voice.
Or sometimes, we are the victim and we find ourself unjustly under attack from an irritated or angry partner, who needs to vent their frustrations.
But the very most important thing to remember in any conflict is DO NOT BLAME THE OTHER PERSON. If you start blaming, you are guaranteed to cause damage of some sort to your relationship.
Instead of making your partner ‘wrong’, be humble and apologise for anything you may have intentionally or unintentionally said or done. Our angry ego really does not want us to do this because it feeds off drama and conflict, but it is essential to change the dynamic of the interaction from conflict to communication. Proper communication, where one person listens to the other. And if your partner won’t listen to you, then listen to them.
Be mature, be humble and willing to recognise anything that may have upset the other, no matter how blameless you may feel. Be humble. By doing this, you immediately diffuse the explosive or aggressive energy in the interaction.
And you cannot force your partner to do this. You must do it…. if you’re determined to bring peace into the situation.
Relationships in which both people value peace over ‘being right’ will usually flourish. Sometimes one person has to sacrifice the need or desire to ‘be right’ so that the relationship can be saved. It is ALWAYS worth doing this. Humility on the part of just one person can pour water on the fire of conflict and aggression.
Value inter-personal peace above all other things in your relationship, and actively be the peacemaker whenever tensions arise. Don’t expect the other person to do this. If you really value peace, you have to swallow your pride sometimes. It’s very hard in the midst of a conflict, but how important is your relationship to you? How valuable is it to have someone who sees you, cares about you and loves you? How lonely is life without the love of another?
As I said at the beginning, being the peacemaker will sometimes mean walking away calmly when you can sense the other person really just wants conflict. Even though they may be upset when you walk away, it is far better than you being dragged into angry hostilities, and potentially saying something they may ruin your relationship. And we have to protect ourselves from hurtfulness also, because aggressive words can hurt a lot. Protecting our own heart by walking away can be a very intelligent decision sometimes.
If you really value love, harmony and peace in your relationships, you must do whatever it takes to preserve them.
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The brightest light conquers the deepest darkness 