Your Relationship with Everything

Intimate, love-based relationships are one of the most rewarding aspects of being human, yet at the same time they can bring us so much pain, suffering and heartache when they are dysfunctional. If only there was an instruction manual that told us exactly how we need to behave to make our relationships flourish, because it is possible to have a totally functional and deeply rewarding relationship; one that is totally free of control, unreasonable co-dependency, and emotional manipulation.

Intimate relationships touch the most vulnerable (and often wounded) parts of our heart. They bring up the deepest and most fundamental insecurities we have around being loved, and because of this most of us have developed a very tight (and sometimes ferocious) defence system that employs anger, coldness and hostility for the purposes of pushing away anything that may trigger our deepest pains and vulnerabilities. At our very core, we are all scared of being unloved, even though we may convince ourselves that this is not true.

So it is crucial to understand that relationships will only flourish when both parties are willing to be completely vulnerable, and to recognise each-other’s vulnerability. The less vulnerable you are willing to be with your partner, the more superficial your relationship will be. And this applies to ALL relationships. You will observe this for yourself if you experiment with being more open and vulnerable with more of the people in your life.

It’s important to understand that vulnerability doesn’t mean weakness. It means showing that you have a heart, and that you care. It means showing that you have sensitivity and a need to be treated well. Showing that you can be hurt.

We are often told that we need to be more confident, more assertive, and to project an image of competence if we are to succeed and achieve anything in life. However, while this might get you the job you want, or get you into the circle of friends and peers you want to associate with, it will not help you to have more open and meaningful relationships with the people in your life, and this where the true rewards of life are found.

Meaningful relationships are so much more important to us than we realise. We need them. We need people to look beyond our surface and see who we really are. We need to be recognised, in the deepest sense of the word. We need our heart to be seen. But that can only occur if we take the risk to show it.

A lot of our most painful frustrations – including a deep sense of isolation and disconnectedness – come from nobody seeing who we truly are. We need the goodness and innocence of our heart to be recognised, by at least one person in this world. And the more people that recognise it, the more beautiful life becomes. You feel a connection from all of your friendships that gives you strength and support, and you feel acknowledged as a human being. This is vital for the wellbeing of our soul.

And to re-iterate, you cannot be recognised for who you really are if you do not show to others who you really are. The primary responsibility lies with you to be more open, more trusting. You show respect to people by letting them see who you really, by showing them your heart.

Because the truth is, we are all desperate to be set free. But it is you who must give yourself the permission to show who you really are. It is you who is keeping yourself prisoner. We tell ourselves which parts of our personality are appropriate for public display in certain situations, and we control and hide ourselves accordingly. But our heart (which is who we truly are) wants to experience freedom, openness and honesty all of the time…. and it can. It’s a commitment we have to make if we truly value freedom. You will feel liberated when you stop controlling yourself and curating the self that you want people to see. You must set yourself free and be at ease with showing all the things that you judge about yourself. Because our self-judgement weakens us more than anything else.

Conversely, we are strengthened immeasurably through our self-acceptance and self-love; when we are no longer anxious about letting people see who we really are. If we are hiding our self, we will feel a sense of incompleteness, weakness and fear, because people only hide when they are scared. However as we become braver and more comfortable with showing ourselves as we really are – vulnerabilities, insecurities, and neuroses included – we become more confidant. And this isn’t superficial confidence, this is the deep kind. The kind we need to make us feel strong and able to deal with the challenges life brings us.

As we let the child-like innocence of our personality shine through, we see that our world doesn’t come crumbling down just because we dropped our mask. Quite the opposite. Life becomes so much richer, while at the same time we feel freer and more secure. If some people stop liking you when they see your real personality, then they are not the kind of people you need in your life.

You need to be connected to people who are also willing to be open and vulnerable, so make an effort to gravitate towards people like this and you will remember the deep joy of friendship and camaraderie. It is one of life’s greatest pleasures – and not only this. It feeds us and strengthens our heart like nothing else can, enriching our soul in a deeply profound way.

Why? Because we need each other. We need to show ourselves to others and we need to be seen by others. The most beautiful thing about you is who you really are. The you that is buried beneath all of the conditioning, bravado, insecurity and social pretence. Your heart, your love, the degree to which you feel things and care about things. This is the most valuable gift you have for the world and when you give it, amazing things are revealed to you. Life opens up as your heart opens up, and we get a glimpse of the beautiful potential of our humanity. So set yourself free today. Hide no more, and let the world see what is in your heart.


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About Alexander Bell

Lover of God, man of Christ, father-of-four, writer, composer of healing music & expert on nutritional healing. • http://AlexanderBell.org
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