Control is the antithesis of freedom. The more we try and control things in our life, including our own emotions and behaviour (and also other people’s), the more we will be strangling the natural free-flow of joy that is meant to be flowing through our heart and through our body.

This does not mean we should just do whatever we feel like doing, or speak without consideration of others, or engage with whatever thoughts come into our mind – we need to bring in intelligence, wisdom and sensitivity to all these actions.

When joy is in our heart and flowing through our body, we naturally think joyful and positive thoughts. Creativity flows and we feel more inspired, more energised and passionate about being alive. It is so important for us to feel this way, and when we do we inspire and uplift those around us. It really is a fantastic thing to witness, as joy spreads to others.

However, in our society we are used to being in control of ourselves. We are taught which behaviours are socially acceptable, and to live within such behavioural parameters we must control ourselves to a degree. We also learn that our happiness depends on certain external criteria; on success, on appearance, on consumerism and on productivity.

It is clear to see that the mechanics of society is all about productivity, and thus as part of society we are encouraged to be productive, and efficient in our productivity. Yet this is where joy is so easily lost and forgotten, because joy has nothing to do with productivity and efficiency.

Joy is all about enjoying our being. It has no mechanical or productive purpose. It’s only purpose is to shine and radiate positive energy, like all the stars, and the sun. As a consequence of joy radiating out from within us, we start to notice wonderful things happening around us. People are uplifted, they feel inspired, they want to be around us, because they also want to feel joy in their life.

Now, who wants to be around someone who is controlling? Who wants to be around someone who has is hiding what they really feel? It doesn’t feel good to be around someone who is not being genuine, because joy is absent, honesty is absent, respect is absent. The most respectful thing you can do for another person is to be honest with them – not about your mental thoughts and opinions – but honest with how you are feeling. Do not hide how you feel. Let it be seen. Then there is a good chance it can change, especially when shared with a compassionate and caring human being.

We often deny ourselves the opportunity to let go of so-called ‘negative’ emotions, because we hide them, control them and judge them. They stay within us, making us feel weak, sometimes even ill. Aspects of our being can only change when brought into the light of awareness, and especially when shared and seen non-judgementally by another. This is a very healing thing.

And then something amazing happens…

When we see that we are not ‘bad’ for feeling angry, or sad, or any other emotion, we actually feel okay about it. If our feelings and thoughts are not judged (and consequently controlled because of our judgement) there is nothing wrong with us. We are okay to be exactly as we are, feeling whatever we are feeling. This is a very liberating thing, to free ourselves of self-judgement, guilt and self-control of our emotions.

Our body instantly relaxes, knowing that what we are feeling is not ‘wrong’. Any tension and resistance in our body vanishes, to be replaced by ease and a sense of wellbeing. There is nothing wrong with how you are, and there is nothing wrong with who you are.

You do not need to punish yourself for what you choose, what you think or what you feel. Instead, forgive yourself, have compassion for yourself. Set yourself free from self-judgement, self-control, and self-condemnation; and as you do so, allow yourself to perceive the joy which comes from your complete freedom of being. The joy of being free…

Alexander Bell

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