Do you remember how it felt when you first fell in love with another person?
That feeling of wanting to be near each other all of the time, of wanting to give them all your attention, and wanting to show them how deep the feeling of love you had for them was? It is a most beautiful and heart-expanding feeling that many, many people are searching for in their lives. There is simply nothing like it.
When we are not feeling that feeling (which sadly for most people is most of the time) then we subconsciously seek it in many different ways. Many of these ways can never be successful, because they do not bring us closer to our heart; the only place where love can be experienced.
So do we really need another person to experience this feeling of falling in love? Many people believe they do, and spend years looking for someone with whom they can open their heart and share their love, which is something that every human being has a deep need to do. But as we know, “looking for love” is usually a very frustrating, lonely and unreliable way of meeting our heart’s deepest need, because it so rare that true love is ever found.
But the good news is that the Love we seek can be found, irrespective of whether we are with another person or not.
What actually happens when we fall in love? Our heart opens. In actual fact, it relaxes. The tension which is usually present in the heart of most adults – as a result of their upbringing and social conditioning – is released as the heart relaxes. Why does our heart relax? Because it feels safe.
When we meet someone who shows us love and whom allows us to love them also, our deep inner need for security is met. Love brings the deepest security that every human being needs – the security and safety to show who we really are, to be completely ourself. The importance of this cannot be overstated. We need to let our true nature be expressed and be seen. If we cannot simply express who we really are – our human personality, our caring loving nature, even our childlike insecurities – then we start to feel disconnected from ourselves; frustrated and empty inside. We feel shallow and unfulfilled.
Our heart’s need for self-expression is being denied, and as a result our inner light seems to fade. This is an all-to-common experience in society, which results in people trying to stir up a sense of aliveness within themselves – through adrenaline seeking, drinking and drugs, through sensationalist entertainment, through sexual relationships devoid of true feeling and care. We want to feel alive, and we especially want our heart to feel fully alive, because somewhere we have a memory of how deeply beautiful and fulfilling it feels.
So what happens if we don’t wait until we meet someone to allow our heart to relax and open? What happens if we just relax our heart in this moment? Let’s find out…
So, take a few gentle and deep breaths, and relax your body. This whole experience is about allowing tension to leave every part of you, including your heart. There is nothing dramatic about it, just a gentle remembering of the beautiful depth of love and inner peace that is restored when we fully open up to life, in this moment. It is only a positive experience; no fears need to be faced, no emotional trauma, just an enjoyable process of relaxation and increased peace.
So let your shoulders relax, so that they are not in any way hunched up. Then let your whole face relax, so that there is no tension in your forehead or in your jaw. If you notice that any other part of your body is holding tension, just breathe gently and relax that part also.
Being aware of our breathing is important because we gain more awareness of our body when we breathe consciously (as opposed to unconsciously, which most people do). We become more aware of our body responding to our breath, which it always does. And if we couple this with relaxing the muscles of our body, our awareness can move into deeper parts of our body, such as our heart. This is such a simple process.
So continue to allow the body to be heavy and relaxed, while watching your breath flow steadily, gently and deeply in and out of your body. Pay no attention to any critical or distracting thoughts that interfere with this process of relaxation. Such thoughts only start to bring tension back into the body, which does not benefit you in any way. Therefore, a little focus of mind is required, but it is easy if you just focus on allowing your body to remain relaxed and calm, while you breathe steadily and gently.
You might at this point be able to feel your heart beating in your chest, or perhaps you can feel your pulse in your hands or arms. If you cannot, it helps to just put your left hand on your heart and feel your heart beating. Continue to breathe consciously as you feel your heart beat, so that you are becoming more relaxed, more sensitive and more aware of your heart. Let your focus be upon it completely, just for 1 minute (or longer if you wish).
Now, when you are ready, just for 10 seconds remove your hand from your chest, tighten up both your hands into fists, hunch up your shoulders and screw up your face in tension. Tense up everything and hold yourself tense for 10 seconds. Then relax everything, and put your hand back on your heart, feeling once again your heart beating as you breathe gently and steadily. Let the relaxation of your body become deeper, as you enjoy the relief that comes from the complete absence of tension.
As relaxation slowly moves into the heart, something magical happens. There is no purpose in describing it, because it has to be felt. But you can be sure it will be felt as you continue to breathe gently and allow the body to rest in a state of calm relaxation. With gentle patience and enjoyment of being in a state of stillness and peace, the heart begins to relax and open more and more, like a delicate flower in the light of the sun.
The heart is delicate. It needs to feel safe before it will open up, because it can so easily get hurt, as everyone knows. So we must create a safe environment, not only externally, but internally also. We do this by removing agitated and aggressive energies from our mind and body, and bringing in a sense of calmness and gentleness. The heart recognises when such energies are present, and it responds by opening its petals. If there is any sense that it will be treated harshly, the heart remains in a state of self-protection, and this is totally natural. Would you put a magnificent orchid outside in the middle of a torrential hail storm for it to be battered by the elements? No.
It is our responsibility to create a safe environment for our heart to open and flourish. Many people blame others for being insensitive, aggressive or cold, but because we cannot control others, we cannot attach the freedom of our heart to the behaviour of other people. We must create the necessary inner environment, and we must choose a supportive external environment also, which includes where we choose to live, the environments we put ourselves in and the people we choose to spend our time with. If we do not do this, then who will?
This busy and sometimes harsh world makes sensitive people become more thick-skinned, tougher and less gentle, because that seems like the only way to get through life without being in suffering all of time. But as we begin to make more empowering choices that allow our sensitive and peace-loving nature to be expressed and to shine through our being, we remember the freedom that we have to be who we truly want to be. The freedom to let our heart shine like a beautiful Sun, as it was intended to, illuminating our own life and the lives of those whom we encounter on this fascinating and magical journey of
Alexander Bell
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The brightest light conquers the deepest darkness 